Friday, November 13, 2009

A Little Girl's plea to Abba

I got this post from a former student's blog in her FB account and she was very gracious enough in allowing me to get a copy of this. This is so true for me lately with all what's happening in my life I so want to end it because I'm having difficulty in overcoming it. (thanks, L :) )

Dear Abba,

I know this isn’t much of a deal to you, but am asking you to please hold my heart even tighter. I am so weak as of this very moment. I don’t want to build cisterns that cannot hold water anymore. Help me to find rest in you alone. Help me to live and embrace the identity that I have in you – in you alone. I’ve been failing you so many times and am just sick of doing it. I’ve been battling with my fears now. Help me let go of it all and let you handle it instead.

Am so compelled to let your light shine, but when I look into myself – I found fake pearls all around. I don’t feel so worthy to be called your daughter but you still extended that privilege to me. Can you just take these fake pearls with you? I do not need it anymore. I have been trying so hard to build a standard of my own, and look what I’ve produced – fake pearls. Built to last for the moment, cheap and has no value at all. But Abba, this is all I have, plus a tattered heart and a big ego. Will you accept it? Does that appeal to you? Am I still a person of value, having only these as my possession?

I need you to comfort me, because I don’t think I will be able to last a day without you breathing your air of grace, the warmth of your embrace and the stillness of your voice that calms the over-thinker me. I plead that you allow me to tell the world about who you really are. To show compassion, to love, to extend an arm to those who are in need. I’m down on my knees God, cause me to do that which I thought impossible! Help me to devote this time to you and only to you alone. I want our intimacy back.

I can only do so much in this lifetime and if that is so, I want to offer it for your glory alone.

I ♥ YOU,

From your LITTLE GIRL, pretending to be BIG enough to handle her life - France♥ (I intentionally changed her name to mine)

Saturday, November 7, 2009

It's crunch time

As most of you know, I'm taking my graduate studies. Admittedly, I'm a delinquent student. I'm supposed to finish my Masters within 2-3 years but it has extended to, believe it or not, 10 years. Kidding aside, I love to study, but when work demands so much, plus a little girl is depending on you (that time) studies has to pause and sit in the corner. Added to that me getting married and having another baby within that time nailed it.

Just last year, while I was looking at my documents, it made me realize that I have to finish it...otherwise, it will end in nothing. So with a leap of faith, I defended my proposal that time, into which, I am thankful for my prayer warriors that time, my prayers were answered. The topic is approved, with only minimal questions and some inputs. I thought I had the groove back but again work beckons me. That's why data gathering and analysis took a year and now, in a few days' time, I'll be defending again.

So for my dear readers (wow, as if you're so many!) May I request for a prayer and light a candle for me? Please pray: 1) that the panel will be nice; 2) that the panel would approve of my paper and would have minimal revisions (as in: grammatical errors, etc only); and 3) that the panel would not ask much (this is the most important part!). My schedule is on the week of November 16-20. Will give you an update as soon as I'm done.

Thank you and will be forever grateful. Your prayers and words of encouragement are good enough for me. :)